Why Not Trust?

Life seems to be more pleasurable for some and painful for others. While these two categories of humans are living on the same planet, they have different realities. One of the realities is the opposite of the other. Those that life is pleasurable are living everyday’s life with courage, love and peace.

Meanwhile, the other category of humans is facing the same life with anger and resentment. Their daily living becomes a struggle they must go through. The little joy of a moment could be turned into pain in a few. Why this difference of life living? Are we not under the same sun?

Who shall I blame for the painful circumstances of my life? Who is responsible to make things to turn around to become good? Sometimes, it does not matter how hard one tries to live differently. The situations don’t change overnight as we always expected them to be. The ultimate question is:

Am I condemned to live such painful life for the rest of my days?

No, I do not believe such thing; for I’ve seen in my own society how things can change. I’ve witnessed the so called nothing to become something and vice versa.  Around me a poor became rich and rich became poor. If things can change then the problem is with me; not anybody else. But how could I find the right answer to my question if I don’t believed in myself?

Who is able to invest in me if I lack to trust myself?

As long as I can remember, I’ve learned to not trust myself. I’ve come to believe through many circumstances of life that I’m not able to take any right decision. Anything that I do, people judged it “stupid” or “wrong”.  My world is made of the terms such as: pain, stupid, wrong, nothing etc.

Whatever is right for me, will become wrong for others. What I called white is actually black for others. That’s why I strongly believed that I’m not good at all. And also, my own family taught me that I’m not good at all.

I will become like rock in my mind if someone is trying to make me see what I was missing. We all know how water does not penetrate rock. If I consider water as the things that I am in need to know. So the new idea will not penetrate what I already established in my mind.

But in my quest to change, I came to not trust what I believed that I know. I stopped trusting the things that I believed that I know. For instance, I don’t believe that I am nothing anymore. As long as the sun will rise in the morning, I will not sit down and blame anyone for my misfortune.

How come things can go well for others and not for me? If everyone received the same education as me, then we should have the same situations. How the flowers can be so beautiful, but me as human that has more abilities will sit quietly believe that I am nothing?

If rain can fall for all, then my life is like the rain that is falling. It depends on what I do with the water or my life. If I throw the water away, then it is my own responsibility. If I take care of the water, then the water will be saved for better use.

Then I started looking around me. Checking how thing works. I became an observer of life. As I was observing life and withdrawing it substance, I did not notice that my own life was changing. Before I knew it, things start turning around. The way all the situations used to hurt me before start changing.

A kind of boldness rise up in me that I know for sure was not there before. Not only this boldness, the fear of living also disappeared from my consciousness. People that are not able to stand beside me were coming back to converse with me. Not because I became an important person, but because my way of view things has changed.

I realized one thing so great that astonished me a lot. Life is a mirror. The way you view yourself is the way life will show it to you through life circumstances. Look deep into the eye of your circumstances and you will see the patterns of life you have established within yourself. Many souls are being attracted by the thing that will help them to evolve.

When your soul becomes the spring season for other souls, they will all cling onto you for they know that they will emerge from the deep sleep by eating the nectar of your heart. The nectar of your heart will become the water that will irrigate the ground for the seed of love to grow. Then you can see how life is beautiful.